Yes, yes it is Bl***y ages ago since I blogged and it might be a bit rusty, but still :-)
A couple of things made me pick up my Mac again to type some words of mine to share with you all.
(I will try to do it in both English and Dutch too) Unfortunately I do not speak or write any Ukraine, or Russian, since the views seem to indicate I am getting quite a following in places I do not really know? (If any one could let me know what's going on here please do)
Maybe I will go 'private' so things can only be viewed by request and to make it possible to be more personal and have a 'deeper dig" at a subject...
Please do let me know if you have any thoughts to share with me!
Family
I was triggered by what someone 'said' this weekend, thinking about family, relatives and forebears, inherited traits and so on.
(So, in my view very much based on shared dna-genetics)
Unfortunately the effect it had on me was one of exclusion...
Why ?
Partly because I am the youngest one and both my parents passed away already, I share with my 2 sisters a very few (direct) relatives who are now left over ...
And mainly because it is also seemed that the person in question did not really think about the many other ways that people can become and start being a family...
There are many foster parents and adoptive parents who have started or developed into a beautiful family in their own right. (And yes the same goes for children and parents from the relationships who come or find themselves together under one roof by separation, and remarrying and so on)
For me it made a point (for myself) to realise that it is obviously still a 'delicate point' of balance to think of ourselves as a normal family no different to anyone else in our street or city
-
And a family which was formed by;
years of medical treatment, followed by lots of talking and following a special adoption information course, getting all kinds of certified (medical and financial) information, collecting all kinds of papers from various countries, waiting, despair, trying to prepare by reading every scrap about the country(ies) and adoption in general, and patience (always patience and waiting;-). ***
Naturally this was one reason to "get on my soapbox" again!
I have had many a 'private rant' in the last years about things wrong with the world and the people in it, but there are still some things I seem to need to share about adopting and my feelings about it all.
The 'news' that Foundation Africa will cease to exist was another reason.
Many people in The Netherlands used this foundation which has (had) permits for Ethiopia and Kenya and we have seen many happy parents and children coming together by their work throughout the years. With the uncertainty surrounding adoptions from Ethiopia and the events of the last months in Kenya there is not enough basis for them to continue their 'adoptive work' from these countries.
IF this was because the standard of living has increased dramatically in the last years in both the countries and there are no children any more who are orphaned and wasting their time away in children homes or orphanages waiting for the day that a loving parent will take care of them,
then this would be fine with me!
Domestic adoption and 'kinship adoptions' are on the rise in parts of the African continent I think (based on my contact with Ethiopia, Kenya and Rwanda) but there are still a lot of children who are dreaming and hoping of a more loving future with attention and possibilities that no one gives or can not give to them "locally".
In Ethiopia, which has had lots of bad publicity due to unclear procedures, the government is still checking their procedures and deciding which department and Ministry adoption should fall under it seems.
In Kenya the cabinet decided last November to impose a moratorium on all international adoptions due to a report about people trafficking, in which there were no direct clear indications or connection to adoption.
All of a sudden agencies and parents in procedure had to stop what they were doing because of ....
Because of .... What ??? ...
(only Kenyatta and a few others might know * more about that maybe some time later)
Even the LSK (Law Society of Kenya) has started to rumble about how these events suddenly evolved.
In our experience (and mind) the adoptive parents and agencies working in The Netherlands do their best to have clear, transparent and certainly fully legal procedures which are checked by the Justice Department nationally and full disclosure is given to the authorities and agencies in the countries that children are adopted from.
In Ethiopia it has been difficult, also for us, to fully follow all information because of the fact that Amharic is a pretty difficult language to understand and we came there during a period of civil unrest (or war) in 2005 and were only in the country at that time for a week.
In Kenya the procedure was, of course, much longer, mainly in English and because of our months (nearly a year) there easier to follow.
We had also learned a lot during our first adoption and consecutive years as adoptive parents about what to ask, what to look for, and we do not easily take no for a answer.
(Apart from that, in both countries we have met wonderful people who did everything they possibly could for our children to be and were willing to answer all the questions we asked them).
We are fully aware that where people work, mistakes can and will be made. There will always be people out for a "quick buck" but generally speaking I believe the people we encountered were doing their jobs because they have (and had) a genuine love for the children.
(They might sometimes be doing their jobs "seemingly in a different time zone", and not as efficient as we thought it to be possible, but still)
We went through all 'these things' *** because,
We wanted to become parents, all of it, rather selfishly when you look at it at first.
But also because we wanted to give our children a chance for (hopefully) a better life with more possibilities, and to give them a family.
We do not need any applause, no statue needed ;-)
But some recognition once in while would indeed be nice.
We were proud (and scared stiff) when we were expectant adoptive parents.
Proud of our little men who were waiting for us us, without fully comprehending it yet.
We were proud and a bit worried (a little bit less with number two) when we became parents.
Proud of every little step in development and all the changes and how they reacted to us and their new world.
We are proud, sometimes anxious and even worried now, 10 and 3 years later.
Proud of our boys with each achievement, anxious & worried, about the world around them and their (future) place in it.
We hoped to become a normal family.
Well that is an illusion, normal families don't exist!
Every family has its history, its secrets, its happy and sad stories and everyone has his or her own personal story within that family.
All I can say is that on the whole, I am happy and proud of our family.
* also partly inspired by a thomsontreehouse post and Luc and Inne - a wonderful couple who are now on their journey for their second child.
